If At First You Don't Succeed: Four Steps to Overcoming Your Failures

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...blah, blah, blah." Sure, like most of you, I had heard this saying throughout most of my childhood. Admittedly, the idea behind such a cliché seems somewhat intoxicating. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Don't give up too easily. Persistence pays off in the end," my grade school teachers often told me. True, the idea seems great. But like most other great ideas that we have been exposed to in our time, it has been the difficulty in its application that has sent most of screaming at the top of our lungs to be rescued by the Perseverance Police.

It's said that on average, entrepreneurs fail at least five times before any hint of success is ever experienced. While this is a fascinating thought, the most interesting question about this statistic isn't in the numbers, but actually lies within the character of those individuals that possessed the desire to fail so many times. What were they thinking? How could they possibly find comfort in experiencing failure so many times? Failing once is enough; so how could they possibly go through the same experience time after time after time again?

It's true; experiencing any kind of success requires a bit of craziness on your part. At least, it does to those individuals that are accustomed to quitting. But what makes a person make another attempt after experiencing such devastating failures? But most importantly, what are the steps that they took to move past those previous failures and to finally experience success?

While many people find it to be somewhat difficult, I believe that trying something once is rather easy. Yes, I said it. Attempting to achieve your goal one time is very easy, especially when comparing it to your second, third, and sometimes, fourth attempts. When attempting to begin my first business endeavor, the support that I received was overwhelming. I was excited. The adrenaline and passion that I demonstrated quickly energized those around me, as friends and family members expressed their support through monetary investments. Bank loan officers eagerly awaited my loan applications ready to dole out financial assistance to an inexperienced, but passionate, businessman. But after the financial assistance ended and the expenses that I had incurred began to seem insurmountable, failure was imminent. The time had come for me to dust myself off and try again; only this time, I would do so without the overwhelming excitement of those around me. So yes, as I stated earlier, that initial attempt of achieving your goals seems quite easy compared to those second and third attempts.

During the first attempt at achieving our goals, there are usually two key factors that often propel us past any fear that we may initially experience—our adrenaline and our ignorance. The excitement stemming from our constant visions of our success and the fact that we are unaware of the process that is to be endured will oftentimes lend us with the courage needed to overcome any initial apprehension. While we may be educated on the specific steps needed to achieve a particular goal, it is the lack of understanding of the feelings—negative or positive—that those steps will initiate that we are ignorant of. However, after experiencing that first failure, we are quickly made aware of the negative feelings that such a process invokes. It is an understanding of these negative feelings that make many of us decide to simply never try again. Therefore, the following strategies are four quick ways to ensure that you overcome your moments of failure:

1. Forgive yourself and kill the negative feelings of your last attempt(s).

While there will be individuals that would love to remind you of your past failures, you must not think about them. Such thoughts ignite those negative feelings that result in decisions to never continue. Many individuals spend more time beating themselves up about the failures on their previous attempts than moving forward. This is a new day. Your slate has been wiped clean. Don't think about the negative feelings of your previous attempts.

2. Change your speech. You didn't fail, you experienced a lesson.

From this moment on, they should no longer be called failures, or wrongs. These words introduce those same negative feelings that we want to get rid of. It is completely impossible to feel good about something that is always associated with such negativity. If you must create a word for them, call them lessons. But refrain from using the word failure. In every 'lesson', write down the things you learned, along with at least three things that you plan to do differently in the next attempt.

3. Commit to and understand why you must try again.

Commitment is important to achieving any goal, regardless of which attempt you're on. However, what's equally important is an understanding as to the reasons why you are making such a commitment. Therefore, write down at least three reasons why it is more important for you to make another attempt versus quitting. It's imperative that you begin to actually see the importance of your success.

4. Just start!

Much like you did with the first attempt, you must take another leap of faith and simply start. Besides, when you start, you will have less time to think of the negative thoughts and feelings that often prevent progress. As you begin to make your second, third, or perhaps your fourth attempt at achieving your goal, I leave you with those infamous words that my grade school teachers often left me, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Don't give up too easily. Persistence pays off in the end." Good luck.