The Impact of Attachment Disorder

What is attachment disorder and how does it happen? Well, as a therapist with a specialty in this area and someone who as worked with children for 20 years in a therapeutic capacity, I will draw on my observations. This is the attachment disorder that breaks families apart and drives parents to the point of insanity. There are children who are insecurely attached and they may be withdrawn and have an inability to be close, but that is a lot easier to live with than children who have full-blown attachment disorder.

We are all on the continuum of attachment disorder somewhere as we have varying levels of trust and have been hurt and carry that in our cells. We all may do our part to push others away, but the children I am talking about try to make adults crazy, in an effort to feel better themselves. My clients include children who are adopted through the state foster care system, international adoption, and sometimes by family members. When parents finally come to see me, they have run out of possibilities. With the internet, many parents have run across the symptoms and diagnosis by doing their own research, as this is a very little understood mental health issue. The ones I see are often on the more severe end of the continuum, not the ones who are withdrawn. Traditional therapy is more likely to work with them.

Secure attachment can be broken with the mother in utero or during the first 2 years of life, to the level that it affects that child on a severe level. I've worked with children who have been adopted at 3 days old but still show severe symptoms because who they are has never let the adoptive parents love them, and they have failed to bond. This is not a conscious decision to not bond - it is cellular. The child has learned in utero life is not safe - The child believes he/she must be in control to remain safe. If I trust you you will fail me and I will die. This is the lesson learned by them from their birthmother. "I will take care of my own needs because you will let me down" is their belief. The children really believe that giving up control means life or death.

When a child has the opportunity to bond with his/her mother, the following is required for the child to become attached and develop trust: eye contact, food, touch, comfort, verbal and emotional contact, play, smiles, mirroring effect, and consistency. Now all children develop it. It seems that highly sensitive and intelligent children are more likely to refuse to attach to new caregivers. It is comparable to the question of "what makes one person a survivor while the another one who has been abused continues the negative path?" We don't really know. Perhaps the brief moment of knowing a birthmother's love is enough. What was the pregnancy like?

The child's development and personality are affected by the early neglect and attachment disorder. Even though they may grow up in a loving environment post-adoption, they do everything in their power to create chaos. Their brains appear to be wired differently - we sometimes call it upside down parenting. The children do not respond to reasoning or consequences. Everything becomes a battle and the child is out to win. Because they need to stay in control!

I could write forever about symptoms and behaviors of attachment disorder in adoptive children as it affects the child and the families.