Getting over your ex girlfriend can be a horrible process, but I find it makes things a little easier if I have some fun with it. Times like these are the reason men built adult playgrounds like Las Vegas.
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, and this is your time to be as rude and crude as possible without feeling a stab of guilt. What more could you ask for?
Here are 3 of my favorite creative ideas. Heck, employ all of them and you'll be getting over your ex girlfriend in record time.
1. Buy a New Girlfriend
This one is a blast and I actually encourage doing this any time you're bored and want to make the world a more interesting place.
About 3 days into your breakup you should have 3 buddies who are as intrigued and excited about your newfound freedom as you are. These guys are golden because they'll never change and will still be single next time you settle down.
Take your henchmen and drive to the nearest toy shop—you know what I'm talking about—the kind of place you don't want anyone from work to see you going into, especially with two other guys.
I want you to buy the ugliest, fakest, foulest blow up doll you can find. This is your new girlfriend. You don't even have to share a bed with her—she's just your public girlfriend.
For at least one day, she will accompany you everywhere you go. Into restaurants. Into the store. Movie theatres. The bars.
Believe me when I say that everyone is going to get a kick out of this and the constant laughter alone will be enough to put you in a good state. Give her a name—mine was named Precious—and tell people the truth, "She's my new girlfriend."
2. $100 Hooters Spree
This one is a great way to tweak that jealousy bone and can lead to some good laughs if not more. Got a spare $100? Good, hold on to it and spend it on beer—Hooters girls are pretty nice and you won't need it unless you're really ugly and socially inept.
What I want you to do is go down to Hooters just about closing time when the girls are wrapping up their shifts and getting ready to move onto their favorite bars.
Again, tell the truth—"I just got dumped on my head and to me getting over my ex girlfriend is easier if I make her insanely jealous. Will you be my new buddies?"
Women who work at Hooters tend to be an extremely understanding type. Have a buddy take pictures of you in flirty poses in different locations around the restaurant—with or without the Hooters logo—really doesn't matter.
If you must, use the $100 as bribery money (or feed them all beer and they really will have a great time with you), but it must look like you are all having the time of your life.
Plaster these pictures on Facebook and sit there and gloat... Wait...what are you sitting there and gloating for? You just met a bunch of beautiful women at Hooters! Move on, Brother!
3. Throw a Divorce Party
Bachelor parties are old school, Man. If you've ever been to a divorce party you know they are the coolest thing since bottled beer and the lifeblood of the modern man.
Call all your buddies up and tell them the good news. Shave your head, put on a dress, and go to a good strip club.
Do everything you'd be doing if you were dumb enough to get married only this time you're going in the right direction. Celebrating newfound freedom rather than the loss of freedom—sounds good to me...and I can't think of a better way to go about getting over your ex girlfriend.
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